I may be the only one in Utah, but I really don’t mind all of this rain we have been getting. It’s been raining just about everyday for the past two weeks and I don’t really care that much. I love warm days but in Utah it usually goes from the low 60’s straight to the mid to upper 90’s.

I have always been a huge storm lover, I would sit on my front porch and watch the lightning and rain poor down. Living in Utah we really don’t have that many storms which is why it is a bit shocking that we have had so many storms. I do love them, there has been many lightning storms and I have tried to get pictures of many of the bolts of lightning but I have had no luck.

There was a huge storm today that many Utahns called “hurricane” like. I was babysitting this little girl at the time of the storm so I wasn’t able to get ANY pictures but we had a good time staring out the window and watching the the rain fall and bolts crashing all around. I was very surprised that this little girl was not afraid of the lightning, most 2 year olds get scared with the loud thunder but she was very brave and would cover her ears when the loud ones would crash, she also instructed me to cover mine. Over all it was the most fun I have had during one of the storms.

(c) Crown Star Designs 2008-09

There has come a point in my life where I have been evaluating EVERYTHING. I am not happy where things are right now. I am just about officially broke and making less money then I am spending. I could go on and on with things I have been contemplating; but when it comes down to the bottom, I am not happy.

Now, there are things that I can change, and things I can not. I can  not make someone like or love me no matter how much I try. No matter how hard I try, i am not a beauty blogger. In fact while writing that site it brought back memories of jr. high and trying to fit in with the cool kids (an act I gave up on in high school.) The whole beauty blog mainly has to do with the fact, I also have zero money to spend on trying to keep up with some of the “trends.” When it comes to fashion I believe it is more important to dress your body well then to keep up with the trends. I shutter at the way some girls dress making them look way larger then they need to be. It’s all about optical illusions.

Anyways, I digress. I feel like I have spent so much time on the beauty blog that I have lost sight of what my original passion was when i first got on the web. My passion was the art. I love creating beautiful or at least unique things to look at. I love when I am at the end of a project and I look at it and think “Wow, how the hell did I just do that!?” I miss those times immensely and haven’t been able to get to that point in a long time. Everything lately has been more about keeping up with trends and trying to fit in and not looking at what the most important things are, the art and the money. Yes a nitch blog has tremendous potential to bring in money, but that takes a lot of focus and time and to be honest i am very lazy when it comes down to things that are that much work.  I would rather focus on other things then writing about the hot nail polish colors for fall because I know millions of other girls are going to do the same thing. Also, writing blogs that are interesting and have a focus is very hard for me. Not to mention I suck at spelling and grammar. I am sure my blogs are quite painful for many to read. But the overall point being, it’s not what I want to do with my life right now. Maybe in the future it will be, but not right now.

I want to work on expanding my art, and who knows maybe one day people will start to like my crazy messed up style. I want to work on my photography and hope that people may one day see the world like I see it. I hope to open up my own store and really get my business off the ground. I want to finish school and do good at it for a change.

I also came to a realization today while reading one of my cousins blogs. I was looking at her pictures and felt a bit envious of her life and how perfect and easy it seems. I know no ones life is perfect and i am sure she has just as many problems as the rest of us, but she never seems to show it or complain about it, every time I see her she has a smile on her face. In a way she is a freak of nature! Im just joking but it’s something that in away can get to you if you let it. While looking at the pictures I looked at her little girls face and immediately thought that just because my life has seemed so hard up until now, the rest can only get better if I have an open mind and let it be.

So in conclusion to my rambling on, I hope that this day marks a step to a bright future. Things can only look up!

My dog is sick.. we think, he keeps farting up a storm and it’s making it very hard for me to think. I want to vomit. I will update more later when I have time.

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